unmariofandomcom-20200214-history
UnMarioWiki:Other Stuff/Mario's Adventure 12/Game
Dr. Robotnik is sitting in a massive library, poring through a pile of books. DR. ROBOTNIK: Argh...I can't find it! I.M. Meen used to own this library, and he was decently evil. He should have some information on how to defeat Chuck Norris! Dr. Robotnik storms to the other side of the library, angrily rifling through even more books and mumbling to himself. DR. ROBOTNIK: Those unbearable Undefeatables could have just finished me off, but they decided to leave me in front of that turret to respawn infinitely! Well, I'll show them! Dr. Robotnik shuffles through shelves upon shelves of books. On the farthest shelves, each book is smaller in size than the last. DR. ROBOTNIK: Why, if they hadn't accounted for the turret's recoil as it shot me every time I respawned, it wouldn't have fallen over and I wouldn't have escaped! Finally, Dr. Robotnik finds the smallest book, at the very back of the library: The Official Hand Book to Chuck Norris. DR. ROBOTNIK: Wait...perfect! That's what I've been looking for! Dr. Robotnik grabs the book and leafs through it with a maniacal cackle. DR. ROBOTNIK: Muahahahaaaaa! Soon, all my troubles will be over! Just then, Panty Anarchy, strangely with Trevor Phillips' clothing and hair, approached Dr. Robotnik. PANTY ANARCHY: Stop right there! Dr. Robotnik quickly snaps the book shut and stuffs it in his pocket. DR. ROBOTNIK: What?! Who are you? What do you want? PANTY: I'm Panty Stocking. I've survived the assassination carried out by my ███████ sister Stocking Anarchy the whole time. Now, I'm here to kill you. DR. ROBOTNIK: Oh, you're the sister of that pesky angel. Well, I was going to call in my troops, but I might as well add a touch of irony to the mix! Dr. Robotnik scrambles for one of the library's computers and clicks a series of links. DR. ROBOTNIK: Ah, excellent. Secret Agent Service: One-Click Order. Rolls right off the tongue. Dr. Robotnik makes a final, dramatic click and hides under the table. DR. ROBOTNIK: I knew I'd find him through the site. Oh, when he figures out who his target is... PANTY: You won't get away with this. Panty pulled out an "A" gauge punt gun. However, this also revealed that she wan't Panty, but rather the T-2504 disguised as Panty, but now with newly-malfunctioning transformation powers. PANTY: Come out! Suddenly, the roof above the T-2504 cracks and a black, spheroid silhouette crashes through it. The silhouette falls on top of the T-2504, knocks the gun out of his hand, and holds up a miniature EMP device in his hand. EVIL GUY: Halt, rogue robot! I am Evil Guy, and you...oh. DR. ROBOTNIK: Ha ha haaaaaa! Yes! This ''is the evil robot that I hired you to bring in! EVIL GUY: ...What? T-2504: What?! No no no! Dr. Robotnik is evil, not me! EVIL GUY: T...this is, quite literally, my first client since our last adventure--since I got this job! My dad thinks I've been wasting my time, so he cut my tower funds. Now, I'm basically broke. And Robotnik paid top dollar for this job, too! T-2504: Please. I swear! Don't kill me! EVIL GUY: Well...there is one way... DR. ROBOTNIK: Hah?! EVIL GUY: Your bounty is immense. In fact, I haven't told exactly how much I'll be getting, which either means it's astronomically high or pathetically low. Since you're an Undefeatable, I'd guess it's the former. However, I do know of someone with an even greater bounty on his head, and he's hiding ''right behind that table! DR. ROBOTNIK: Ahhhh! Nooooo! Wait...who would want to issue a bounty on little old me? EVIL GUY: Everyone, Dr. Robotnik. Everyone ever. DR. ROBOTNIK: Oh, but here's the catch! You can't switch targets in the middle of a mission without talking to the person who issued it! EVIL GUY: (Gasping) He's right! T, what do we do? T-2504: I don't know! I can't risk watching you lose your job. And I don't want to die either! DR. ROBOTNIK: Yes, yes! Now, while I have you two caught in a no-win situation, I'll finally figure out how to defeat Chuck Norris! EVIL GUY: Chuck Norris? But he's an Undefeatable! (Looking at T-2504) Wait...you're an Undefeatable, too. Why would you be afraid of me killing you? Come to think of it, why would I agree to something like this? DR. ROBOTNIK: Because the legend is a lie! The Upper Counsel of Undefeatables is a pile of old farts, and the Lower Counsel is a joke! EVIL GUY: Don't you dare say that. The Undefeatables rule over the UnMultiverse, and that is an absolute fact! DR. ROBOTNIK: Is it? What about the time Super Sonic and Super Shadow killed the supposedly "Undefeatable" Godzilla while he was in my space station? Or the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny? Not to mention your clone, T-2504, that was killed by the Volde-Tron 5000! T-2504: Ugh... Why do I even bother. All I wanted to do is to find a copy of an English translation of In Search of Lost Time, not get trapped in a situation like this! EVIL GUY: In search of what now? DR. ROBOTNIK: Oh, that should be in here, but it's in the form of a seven-volume compilation. Here, why don't you go look it up on that computer over there? T-2504: Come on, it's like the thing I always wanted to read. DR. ROBOTNIK: And speaking of reading, I've got some to do right now! Dr. Robotnik pulls out the Official Handbook to Chuck Norris and scans each page. Meanwhile, Evil Guy pulls out a walkie-talkie. EVIL GUY: HQ, this is Agent Knievel. Requesting bounty transfer. Over. There is no response. EVIL GUY: No luck. I don't think there's good reception in this giant building. I need to get outside. DR. ROBOTNIK: Take one step and I'll leave you a one-star review. You know that could get you fired. EVIL GUY: Damn it! Foiled by a technicality yet again! DR. ROBOTNIK: (Reading) Hmm..."Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together." No, that's not helpful. T-2504: ENOUGH! The T-2504 transforms into Ash Williams, but ultimately ends up as Ash Williams in Princess Peach's dress and hair. T-2504: Prepare to d-(Looks down) GAH! That's not what Ash Williams looked like! EVIL GUY: Um...T, what's going on with your transformation? T-2504: I'm beginning to slowly age... Now there's this glitch with my transformation powers! DR. ROBOTNIK: Ha! You see? Even these supposed "immortals" age! Undefeatables are a lie! T-2504: But still, I'm going to kick your sorry ███. The T-2504 transforms into Satsuki, but ends up as her with Adam Jensen's clothing, hair and prosthetics. She looks down and shrugs, realizing she can still look good. The machine picks up the punt gun. DR. ROBOTNIK: If you shoot me, Evil Guy won't get his money. And he can't ask for a re-assignment while he's in this building, either! Dr. Robotnik continues flipping through The Official Handbook to Chuck Norris. DR. ROBOTNIK: A-ha! Chuck actually died 20 years ago, but Death hasn't had the courage to tell him! Wait...I remember reading that the T-5001 killed the physical manifestation of Death somehow. That doesn't help me, either. The T-2504 throws the punt gun onto the floor. T-2504: You going to stop reading it or not?! ANSWER ME! DR. ROBOTNIK: Aha! "The only way to defeat Chuck Norris is to..." Evil Guy turns towards Dr. Robotnik and freezes, awestruck. DR. ROBOTNIK: ...What?! It's written in some kind of code! I can't read it! Following Dr. Robotnik's disappointment over the unreadable text, the T-2504 bursts into laughter. Meanwhile, Evil Guy twirls one of his eyelashes like a radio dial. DR. ROBOTNIK: Fine. I'll take it back to my fortress and analyze it. Maybe then I can crack this code. Dr. Robotnik waddles hastily towards the main entrance, book in hand. Evil Guy focuses on the book intently, scanning the open page, and blinks once. The T-2504, upon seeing Dr. Robotnik go, stops laughing and begins to become furious. T-2504: Hey! GET BACK HERE! The T-2504 begins to chase after Dr. Robotnik. EVIL GUY: Let him go. I'll be able to freely step outside and re-assign myself to a new target. Besides, I got a new contact lens camera, and I captured that "secret code" in Robitnik's book. Evil Guy pulls out a contact lens and hands it to the T-2504. EVIL GUY: See if you can analyze this and crack the code. Cryptography isn't my strong suit. T-2504: Hmm... Let's see... The T-2504 uses them to investigate the code. It reads "The only way to defeat Chuck Norris is to eteled sih egap." T-2504: Huh. Let me mirror my vision. The T-2504 mirrors his vision. EVIL GUY: Well, what does it say? The T-2504 gasps. T-2504: (Whispering to Evil Guy) Delete his page..... EVIL GUY: You mean his UnAnything Wiki page?! But only an admin can do that! None of us have that kind of privilege!